How to deal with regret for lost opportunities
12 April 2026
How old grief can hold you back from feeling joyful now
Everyone talks about dreams, but people rarely discuss scattered dreams turning into regret or longing.
Usually you hear people tell their story. It starts with drama or a massive problem or something that felt terribly wrong, and then people move through it and tell you the happy end. It makes you want to copy their strategy or learn more about how they do it. And by all means, that can help. But what no one rarely talks about is the scattered dreams and failures. The missed opportunities. The things you craved for but never had.
Not necessarily because you’re late in life or behind others. But it’s the feeling it can give you. It’s a silent ache deep in the heart, almost hard to access.
Sometimes it comes as loneliness. Sometimes it comes as guilt. Sometimes it comes as the feeling of failure. Sometimes it comes as the feeling of not being good enough. No matter what it is. Romantic love, a business opportunity, travels, or an entirely different aspect — I find that it’s an increasing phenomenon a lot of us experience, especially if you approach your 30s. Sometimes it hits you later, sometimes earlier.
Social media doesn’t necessarily improve it but worsens it. You see others in a perfect relationship being happily married and having a kid. You see others at perfect travel destinations and think to yourself, "Why didn't I travel earlier in life?" You see others in perfect businesses, wondering why you didn’t take the opportunity. And while I moved through a similar experience of suddenly grieving certain experiences I never had earlier in life, I learned a couple of profound lessons.
1) Grief manifests in waves. Grief is not just about losing a person. It can be about a lost or missed opportunity or the feeling you missed out on something or deep down you crave something you never had and only become aware of it now.
2) Grief isn’t bad. Whenever we grieve old experiences we may never have had, it’s important to do so. Too often we were taught to be happy and never feel any "weird" emotions. However, ignoring emotions that feel too uncomfortable to experience may provide temporary relief, but it ultimately does not lead to long-term improvement. The emotion wants to be felt.
3) Grief or the feeling of a lost opportunity or missed chance can upgrade your timeline.
As tough as grief is, there can be a wave of sadness sweeping over; it’s important that every experience serves a purpose. We’re never late or behind. Each life is unique. And sometimes a missed opportunity teaches you exactly that. They become your greatest teacher. They show you your pain points. They show you where you couldn’t be yourself, where you didn’t fully stand behind yourself, and where you acted out of the limited self. While the realization can be painful, it’s as eye-opening too. Finally, you realize it. You’re no longer tapping in the dark, living your life unconsciously like most humans do. Only when you notice your patterns and what went wrong can you get closer to identifying what it exactly is that holds you back from living your dreams.
4) This type of grief can make you come closer to your true inner desires.
Once you allow yourself to feel the grief and any heavy emotions that may arise, you slowly start to spot the patterns. That’s when you start moving from an emotional state to a more accepting one of what is
kind of state. You come to the point where you finally realize what you truly want and what you are no longer willing to tolerate. Even if the exact opportunity may not come back, for some, there may be a similar experience just in a different setting.
5) The ideal image of a perfect life.
Sometimes the grass always looks greener on the other side. Behind the perfectly crafted love stories on social media are most likely also discussions and moments of doubts. Behind the perfect travel stories and images you see on social media are most likely also certain challenges, be they financial, emotional, or mental. It’s easy to compare ourselves to others, but we only see a small part of it. It's about to leave behind the ideal image of a perfect life. No life is perfect.
6) You develop a stronger love for yourself.
Now you move through the grief, you spot your patterns, and you stop the comparison; you realize all is good. You realize that there is no room for "what ifs." You have to accept reality as it is. You come to a point where you may ask yourself, "What do I really wish for and why am I postponing it any longer?“ Now this stage is not so much old grief, only if you choose to stay stuck in it. It’s not so much about the choices you didn’t take; the question becomes centered around your current life. It’s not so much "If only I traveled more. If only I had searched for a partner earlier. If only I created my business earlier. If only I made peace with my family earlier." Or whatever may apply to your life, the "if only“ turns into: What am I doing right now having that kind of knowledge?
Stay stuck in the old pain or move in with a greater awareness? Am I repeating the same patterns by not fully choosing myself or my life, or am I approaching it differently this time?
You see here it becomes the toughest part. Because it’s not just about wishing things to be different. It’s about making them happen. It’s about taking bold moves. It’s not about playing small anymore. The truth is this. You can always start over in life. People travel at 20, 30, 40, up until their 80s. Just because you didn’t travel in your 20s doesn’t mean you can’t have the time of your life in your 40s. Having the type of love you crave in your 30s, 40s, or 50s is possible, even if you didn't have it in your 20s. People travel at any age. People find love at any age. People become self-employed at any age. Harland Sanders was 62 years old when he began franchising his Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) recipe.
Our mind may give us plenty of reasons. "We're not as beautiful anymore. We’re not as dynamic anymore," but that’s the power of age. You become less dramatic and more experienced. You know what you want. Yes, the younger years, where you may have acted more spontaneously, may have felt more carefree at times, but it doesn’t mean everything was perfect when we were younger. I know people that found love in their 20s, only to split up in their 30s because their values drifted apart. I know people that changed jobs in their 30s because the job they did in their 20s felt useless. Sometimes, we reflect on the past and the "carefree years" with a sense of nostalgia. And that’s the last point.
7) Focus on the here and now.
Each age brings you a different set of experiences. The butterflies and excitement we felt in our 20s may also be a significant burden for our nervous systems. Sometimes butterflies don't mean safety. It was more like insecurity disguised as something exciting. For a moment, when you stop comparing your life against any other life, when you stop trying to fit into societal expectations, when you just see your life as if you were the only one living here with no expectations, pressure, or standards, you may even gain a completely new perspective. You may treasure each experience and get excited as you get to spend another day. At that moment, you realize that you can either remain stuck in the past, dwelling on what you did or didn’t do, or you can appreciate each experience and lesson learned, allowing yourself to move forward with greater awareness.
You focus on what you have right now or who you have become all along the way. And I guess if you’ve read until the end here, you exactly know how much you’ve grown and that deep down, you’re not so well off after all. Remember there are people at their deathbeds who can’t read this anymore who have far deeper regrets than you may have right now.
This is a beautiful testament to our souls' journey, as we deep down know that we are so much more. We hold so much more potential than we give ourselves credit for. We hold so many more heart’s desires than we allow ourselves to live. Deep down, we just crave to feel appreciated, held, loved, and fully seen and chosen the way we are. There’s a deeper trust arising that everything happened for a reason. Every experience served a deeper learning lesson, and sometimes it’s good old karma. Right now, a lot of us are releasing a lot of karmic structures. We’re releasing old energetic chords that no longer align.
8) Let the past be the past.
It reminds me of the old mobile phones back in the days. Some of you may remember "Snake" — the game that you may have played on your Nokia. It felt addictive back then. But do I wish to play that right now? No way. So everything has its place. Each past experience has its place, and sometimes you have to put it into that exact place. Leave the old, shut the door behind you, and focus on the here and now. Just like with phones, we have access to so many apps and opportunities like rarely before, and so it is with life opportunities, so it’s really not a time to stay stuck in the past. Recently, I saw a bunch of 80-year-olds having fun, laughing, dancing, and being dressed up like queens. This showed me you can have fun at any age. It’s not about age itself; it’s what you make out of life at any age of your life. Are you let down by it? Or are you making the best out of it?
That’s an individual choice.
Sometimes life flows. It runs so smoothly. Things click, and new insights arrive. It brings you into a state of joy. But what people rarely talk about is the time things don’t click, clarity isn’t there, the next step feels unclear, and you feel left in the dark. Yuck, that sucks! Yet it happens to so many of us. People usually highlight the good moments. But not the moments of inner despair, helplessness, and almost frustration on the inner journey. If you’ve been on the spiritual path, or are intuitive, you may have come across this. And then there’s the silent, if not desperate, question: How do I get back on track? How can I get rid of the mental fog or a lack of clarity? Here are my personal tips that I came across: 1) Calm down. A temporary confusion doesn’t mean failure. It can be a time to re-evaluate. What brought you off track? What was going on over the past few days or weeks? Evaluate the situation to avoid it in the future. 2) Do something you enjoy. The last thing you need is pressure. Pressure creates more resistance. Intuitive guidance comes effortlessly, not when we expect or push for it (I know it’s hard because it’s so tempting and we absolutely want answers and/or clarity!). Do something you enjoy. Don’t focus too much on the mental fog. Go for a walk, paint, or take a bath. Do something you enjoy. That’s when your energy relaxes. Don’t focus on your business; don’t take any major life decisions in that unclear energy. Relax until clarity arises again. 3) Find your own inner rhythm again The intuition and the guidance come back online when you get back into your natural rhythm. Sometimes we absorb other people’s energies, opinions, doubts, or fears. Sometimes we’re overwhelmed by our own emotions. It happens more frequently than we may imagine. Don’t judge yourself for that. Practice a little more compassion. Connect back to yourself. Maybe that means some form of meditation or journaling. Remind yourself of what helps you fall into your rhythm again. Sometimes it helps to take a social media break even just for the evening. Rise from the challenges. Even if it’s tough and a very uncomfortable stage to be in, you’ll most likely get out of it stronger or with more awareness. Sometimes it teaches you something valuable. For example, you may learn the importance of protecting your energy, not neglecting your practices, or using greater discernment. The more you allow yourself to just embrace this stage and slow down, the quicker you’ll move through it. It’s not a time to push further but to slow down. It’s like during a car journey. If your windows are dirty and you can’t see where you’re driving, you stop. You take a break and make it clean. You don’t question your path. You don't judge your car. And yet, it's not a time to keep driving when you don’t have a clear vision. Although we may say we don’t have time for breaks, sometimes if you move in a direction without a clear vision, it can take you further from your path than any stop can. So if I’ve learned one thing, it’s the power of breaks, especially when you feel mental fog or lack of clarity. Whenever I don’t feel clear, I take a break. Even if my mind wants to push through or I feel I have so much to do. Discernment becomes key here. Why A-Z self-help? Sometimes all we need is a word of encouragement. Some form of motivation or inspiration that nothing is wrong with us. That word can get us going again. Sometimes we don’t need big healing sessions or dramatic inner shifts. That’s what A-Z is for. To be a little light in moments of darkness. A place you can return to for guidance and encouragement. Quick, easy to access, and affordable. All the guidance comes from my personal journey, as I’ve experienced as many lows as highs. It’s not about erasing one another but riding the waves and different stages of life and making you become a little stronger with each experience. Together we’re in one boat and can make the journey of life a little more convenient. About Laura I’m an intuitive, empath and for many years pretty much an introvert (a couple of exceptions!). Somewhere along the path I learned it was safer to guard my internal world than to share it. But underneath, many introverts have a rich if not complex internal world which can feel as vast as the ocean. As I learned to navigate my internal world, I felt guided to share more of it openly and what helped me overcome internal challenges.
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There is one hobby I loved for a long time. It’s solo travel. For me, solo traveling always felt like freedom. Other people would often give me odd looks. Where I felt excitement, they felt fear. Other people would make remarks such as “I would never do it.” And my answer is “you don’t have to.” There are many different life paths and many different lifestyles and ways of living. Sometimes, as humans, we judge what isn't ours. But we forget that every life path is different. Preferences can differ. Hobbies can differ. And that’s ok. We don’t need to have the same preferences or hobbies. But some people are intrigued. They have done solo traveling or consider solo traveling. 1)Deepening the trust in yourself The first and foremost thing about solo traveling is the confidence you need to have and that will later often deepen throughout your travels. You need to fully trust yourself. This is crucial because you may encounter uncomfortable situations and find yourself alone. A deep trust is what I find highly beneficial. In addition, a good intuitive feeling helps you evaluate if a place is safe or not. I remember I was once travelling in Cambodia a couple of years ago, and at night, I just had an intuitive feeling that I should stay in my accommodation with other travelers. If you don’t really have that confidence or intuitive feeling to trust in, you may risk being exposed to situations that you may not like. And yet, there is no guarantee in life. E ven if you’re at home, you can be hit by a car. Not to picture worst-case scenarios, but just to put things into perspective. What’s safety in the first place? Life itself is an adventure no matter where you are. But if you tend to be at home, you’re surrounded by familiar conditions, cultures, and people, which may provide a sense of familiarity and comfort. 2)Longing for adventure The second reason for solo traveling is often the adventure. Too often we’re put in a box. We may grow up in a specific manner, and society or our culture may expect us to behave in a certain way. So solo traveling can provide this adventure. The adventure to break out of any boxes and dogmas that society lives by. It makes you open towards new perspectives and new ways of life. You suddenly see the world through a different lens. 3)Escape as a way to reconnect with yourself The third reason is not always, but sometimes, escape. Yes, we don’t want to admit it, but let’s be honest. Sometimes we may not really feel comfortable where we are; we may be between two different worlds. Maybe the old reality or world crumbled, and we’re just about embarking on new beginnings. We may not exactly know where to go or what’s next. So this “limbo stage” can be a reason people travel solo. What first appears as an escape from the old reality can later help you reconnect or find a deeper purpose because in the end, you can't escape from your reality. When you leave the safe spot, you’re exposed to different situations. Different situations give you new perspectives. Sometimes you meet people that inspire you. It’s not always the job or profession that inspires you, but especially in an exotic country, as far as my experience is concerned, it’s often the slower life that inspires me. The humbleness people live by. Despite often having much less money than we do in Western countries, the kindness they share with others inspires me. It reminds me more of who I am and what truly counts. It’s beyond making fast money and fame. It’s the easy life we crave. Solo traveling can help you develop or enhance this aspect of your life. 4)The journey back to yourself I don’t want to make it sound dramatic or poetic, but if we’re honest, we’re sometimes stuck in our own thinking patterns. We rely on people, or people rely on us. We may consciously or unconsciously people-please or compromise. Some people live up to the expectations of others their whole life without noticing it. Not that it’s bad; every life is worth living, but there may come a point where you feel tired of it. So solo traveling can help you connect with yourself, with your desires. You can eat when you wish to eat, and you can sleep when you wish to sleep. No compromise. No people-pleasing. Just living by your own terms which can give you time to re-evaluate what you want and what you value. The truth but also myth about solo travel: Solo travel doesn't mean you're alone But of course solo traveling isn't always as fancy. There can be moments of loneliness or helplessness. Although the more experienced you are, the less often you may feel them. Because that’s the myth. Solo travelling doesn’t mean you’re always alone unless you choose to. In fact, during solo travelling, most people open up. You’re alone, so now you become more open to people. You often become a more active observer. Once you overcome the initial shyness or awkwardness that can appear, you actually start smiling at people, and you engage with them. You realize there are tons of other solo travelers or travelers in general. Sometimes you can sit in a bar or coffee shop, and you start a conversation if the situation allows. Something, that groups may not always do as they tend to be involved in the group chat, less on other people. However, as always, this is no generalization. You can meet other people with or without a group. You can experience loneliness with or without a group, and I firmly believe that this is the essence and myth of solo travel. Just because you travel solo doesn’t mean you feel lonely. In fact, there can be such a deep trust. You can develop more self-confidence. You realize how everything and everyone is connected. Then really, the world suddenly becomes home. Of course, everyone may have a place, whether it be a home place or a place of their choice that they may call home, but once you solo travel, you may have the feeling that indeed the world is your home. You realize that people are not so different after all. Of course there are always exceptions and not all individuals may have the best intentions, but overall, no matter where you travel, people usually tend to long for similar things. Happiness. Peace. Health. Kindness. You realize humanity is not so different after all. And then you don’t really feel lonely anymore. Because you realize you can make friends and acquaintances anywhere. If you become your own best friend, and you appreciate yourself,you can become friends with others. That's the most beautiful thing. You first start to connect with yourself and then with others. Suddenly solo travel becomes more than just a trip, it's a way to reconnect back with yourself. As always, those are just my personal views and experiences how it made me become stronger, more adventurous and made me feel more connected to myself. Of course, some people may have different travel intentions and experiences than mentioned here, and that's equally fine.
I’m not saying influencers are harmful. Nevertheless, I’ve observed patterns that resulted from the influencer era that I find critical. Influencers are just manifestations of our subconscious beliefs, and they mirror or trigger them so perfectly. 1) You follow a trend thinking you’re cool. Your blogger posts the cream, the fancy bag? You want it too! They suggest you be cool or be someone! They often trigger our deepest subconscious patterns of not feeling lovable or needing something to be someone. However, it does not address whether the promoted brand operates sustainably or if the cream is genuinely beneficial for your health. Many creams have hormonal substances, which can even harm your health long-term. In the end, the influencer gets money for it. Even if they are lovable individuals, their actions are not solely driven by positive intentions or concern for your well-being. It’s profit. Your money is energy. You risk nurturing companies that destroy Earth. Is that you? Do you want to grow with your energy? Your energy is precious. Choose wisely where you invest your time and money. 2) You get so into a trend you forget your own dreams. You now think you need to follow each trend. But who says that’s your style? Some people do not only move further away from their dreams, but they also move further away from themselves. Who are you , deep down? They follow a crowd, and it stimulates our survival pattern. Belonging. The fear of being excluded. But that’s exactly the pattern: survival. It’s not thriving. Thriving means you act the way you want. It leaves cultural destruction. The blogger or influencer might post about the latest hotel cooperation in a fancy hotel in Bali or Costa Rica. People want to go there. The influencer got the money and has long departed, and the local culture is dealing with tourism influxes. Yes, they bring money to cultures. They can boost local economies, but let’s be honest. The intention to make a positive impact is not always the motivation behind this kind of tourism. It’s often selfish behavior. Now more tourists are coming. The destination is hyped. New hotels are being built, but is this development truly in the best interest of the community? And now you travel to a. Specific place because your influencer moves there? Isn't your intuition the one directing you there? Places hold energy. Intuitive travel can take you to places and activate you. Spark a memory. Touch your heart. If you consistently follow the path of the masses, you risk becoming just like them. You become exactly that. You become a follower of the crowd. Your mind becomes overstimulated. far away from the heart. Then we read in the news that more people struggle from mental illness and feeling lost—well, I’m not saying those are the only reasons, yet does it even surprise anyone? I’m not blaming the influencers; rather, I am critiquing our overall approach to life. 3) Obsession You now become so obsessed with following an influencer that you forget your life and dreams. Some may wake up checking what the influencer does. You focus on how the influencer lives, rather than taking a moment to appreciate yourself. It's important to check in with your own desires and dreams. You start feeling miserable seeing all those people chasing their dreams, but they do the opposite of you. They create. They don’t follow. A follower is a follower. A follower is not a creator. You can be inspired by someone but still choose for yourself what’s truly yours. Choose what truly resonates with your identity. The truth is you don’t need the bag or the cream to be cool or acceptable. It’s what society wants to suggest to you. Happiness and success are when you make as much money as possible and have fame and prestige. However, the true nature of happiness and success is often hidden behind closed doors. Some of the wealthiest people feel miserable deep inside. They portray their lives as perfect. But it’s far from that. They put on a smile for the camera. They often only reveal a grumpy face when the camera is off. I’ve experienced this by observing an influencer who acts that way. I’m not saying all influencers are like that. But let’s be honest: we’re all humans. We have good days and bad days. Back in the day, people went to church to follow or search for answers and follow certain beliefs. Today, it feels like people follow someone else to find something outside of themselves. Why? People have learned to trust someone else more than themselves. They look for happiness and answers outside of themselves. It takes only one day to realize that you cannot find happiness or answers on the outside. The lesson? Let yourself be inspired but don't forget to follow your own dreams. To create the life you want instead of simply following someone else's dream life. Feel free to share your thoughts and observations about it.
For people who've done lots of spiritual or abundance courses but still cannot attract abundance or their desired outcome.
I thought I was too quiet to live my dreams. I’ve always been more of an introvert. I had my moments where I could be outgoing, but that was not the standard. I was only comfortable being around people who made me feel safe. And that didn’t happen so often. Occasionally you meet those people who just make you feel like home, an instant feeling of familiarity. It was only then that I understood why I was often so shy and introverted. I didn’t feel safe. I didn’t feel safe to be myself; I felt scared of judgment. 1) Learn to feel safe within yourself. So I first had to feel safe within myself. I had to do a lot of inner work. That’s the first tip I can share with you if you suffer from shyness or social anxiety. Become safe within yourself first. Explore yourself first. 2) Learn to accept yourself. People’s judgments are often projections. Who says there’s something wrong with introverts? One of the deepest people I’ve come across so far was an introvert. However, in this society, those who are the loudest are often the most heard and seen. But the loudest ones aren’t always the ones with the greatest depths or personalities. It’s irrespective. There’s nothing wrong with being introverted. I’ve always thought I had to change. I thought I had to be different. I thought I had to become “louder.” Until years later, I realize I was constantly trying to fit in. I'm not here to win others' approval. It was the moment I had to learn to be myself. This meant accepting that I prefer to maintain my privacy and that I do not always open up to people quickly. However, I’m super sensitive; I help people if they need me. I learned to value the strength in being introverted. You perceive the world differently. Being deeper and feeling more is, quite frankly, a strength in and of itself. 3) Accept that you're not for everyone. I accepted that I'm not for everyone. It made such a big difference; if you stop trying to fit in or stop trying to be different, you can finally breathe. You realize there’s nothing wrong with you. Society has long made me believe there’s something wrong with me. But it was just a belief. I have come to understand that I do not need to associate with the most boisterous individuals in the class or at social gatherings unless a mutual connection exists between us. Sometimes a mix of introverts and extroverts makes outstanding connections and awesome teams. We often remind the extroverts to calm down, and the extroverts remind us to be more outgoing and share our opinions. But if someone finds me too quiet, too sensitive, too introverted, or too whatever, I no longer care the same way I did years back. I remind myself that I don't need to fit in, and it's okay if I'm not here for everyone. You know what? That’s a form of liberation. Realizing that you don't have to constantly work on yourself or strive to be different is a liberating realization. But just accept that you’re different. You can still improve and move through your fears, but at least you now feel less driven to be different or strive to be someone you're not. And then something magical happened in my life when I more and more accepted who I was. New dreams appeared. New opportunities. For example, I love writing. On some days I almost prefer writing to speaking, something only introverted writers may fully understand. I’m simply tired of listening to people’s drama, bullshit, and stress. The loud noise gets to me. On some days it’s all too much for me. And so I started living my passion and dream by writing books, among other things. What’s the lesson? 1) You don’t have to change. Occasionally you just need to accept who you are. That doesn’t mean you can’t improve, though. 2) You can live your dreams as an introvert. There will be opportunities. Introverts often have a powerful connection to their intuition. They often have the ability to tune in to their inner voice. They sense if something is off. It’s often overshadowed by fear, self-doubt, etc. If you are feeling curious and wish to pursue your dreams or follow the whisper of your soul, and if you need further inspiration or guidance on how to get started, I am happy to share more insights about my journey from the corporate world to writing books and living my passion, which has brought me greater joy, happiness, and a sense of purpose despite my introverted nature. I summarized those tips and journal prompts in my masterclass. Yes, I had to bring myself out of the comfort zone more than once. But still, I could be myself. And so far I discovered new aspects about myself. The safer I feel within myself, the more I can open up as I care less and less what people think of me. That’s the beauty of inner work. You explore new facets and characteristics about yourself you didn’t know you had. That’s a testament to the inner growth when we start accepting ourselves and dare to meet ourselves at a deeper level and greater depths.
A couple of years ago, my mother and I were in a hotel in Mallorca in Spain. There was an Argentinian waiter. We asked him, "What brings you to Mallorca?" “He said work! Look, I work in paradise,” pointing his hand to the sea… and the beautiful location he was working in. A stunning terrace surrounded by trees. He said in winter he’s in Egypt; in summer, in Spain. Back then I was in the corporate world, and for the first time I dared to see things from a different perspective. This waiter was so relaxed. Calm. Peaceful. We had to wait a bit longer. However, he reminded me that living in paradise doesn’t always mean doing things fast or being stressed. So many people complain about being stressed these days, but that man reminded me how stress is caused by ourselves, and it doesn’t vanish unless we choose to slow down. That’s what he sought to remind me of in that holiday: to slow down. Even if things don't move as quickly, it's important to slow down. The night turned out to be full of pleasant conversations with my mum, surrounded by a calm atmosphere, big palms, overlooking the calm Mediterranean Sea on a lousy summer night. We ordered a second glass of white wine (at that time, I was still consuming wine). Then the laughter and conversations rolled between my mother and me. The food was delicious. Sooner than later, we didn’t even realize how fast our second glass of wine was empty. (It must have evaporated. 🙃😉😅) Then the Argentinian waiter passed by and, seeing our empty glasses, apologized, “Ohh, you didn’t get the second glass of wine yet?” We were somewhat amused and replied, "Erm, no, it’s already the second glass that’s empty.” He asked, “Do you want another one?” And for a moment my mum and I looked at each other, “3rd glass of white wine??” The doubt kicked in. The hesitation. It was the "good girl, behave" syndrome that took hold. We were expressing our concerns about whether it was appropriate to have a third glass of wine. In that moment he went like, “Why not????” with a charming if not cheezy smile. In that moment, that sentence changed everything. Yeah, indeed. “Why not???” Why behave? Why try to be good’? Why doubt so much? Why not allow yourself the pleasure or do what feels good now? Regardless of the circumstances, it's important to embrace the moment. We decided to order a third glass of white wine. When it came, my mother and I cheered to it; we cheered to life. And we both looked at each other, clinking our glasses, saying simultaneously, “Yeah, why not?” which had both of us giggling. This event took place a couple of years ago. I still think of this waiter whenever I’m doubtful. Just recently I passed down an ice cream parlor, and I went like, “Shall I get an ice cream?” Then I thought of his sentence, “Why not?” And it instantly put a smile on my face. Occasionally my mum and I still joke about it! “Why not?” It became our sentence to simply allow pleasure whenever we’re doubtful or simply not allowing ourselves some pleasure in daily life. So next time you’re doubtful whether you can really treat yourself to something, ask yourself, “Why not?” lol Then just do it. Order a glass of wine. Get the ice cream. Go for that visit. Here’s where the fun begins. And in our case… the warm, cozy positive vibe continued that night. Today I was passing by a store in Bali, saying, “Why not?” I got the impulse to write about it, and for a moment I was hesitant. Does anyone want to read this? Is that not too cheesy to share? And that sentence, "Why not?" popped up and reminded me to do so! If the impulse is there, then why not act on it? It's important to act before doubts begin to creep in. And for some of you, that sentence could help you too! It certainly proved beneficial to me. It clearly showed me how we constantly remind each other what’s truly important in life. So, this is the reminder today to make the most out of every moment. If you’re doubting whether you can achieve your dreams or treat yourself, ask yourself: “Why not?”
What is the higher self? It's the aspect of ourselves that is whole, complete and the version of ourselves that already lives what we crave for deep within. It can be the version of you living your heart's desires and your most abundant timeline already. Everyone might perceive the higher self a little differently and that's completely normal. What are some of the main advantages of working with the higher self? Guidance on your life path and with important life decisions You can receive your own intuitive guidance on the next step, on your life's purpose, on important life decisions. While there are no right or wrong decisions, there might be choices that serve us more than others. Those choices result in a greater amount of joy and connection. More connection A lot of people feel very disconnected from themselves. That can show up in various behaviours. E.g. we always search the answer on the outside. While a mentor or reading can help you receive guidance, it's important to always listen to your own intuition and perceive your own inner feeling. Accurate guidance Let's be honest. Sometimes, other people's opinions, influences and emotions don't always serve us, even if they're not meant to be against us. Our higher selves is us, in a different vibration, it can guide you with accuracy that no one else out there can. You can always trust it. However, it might be necessary to calm the mind first before listening to the higher self. Want to learn more how to create the life of your higher self and become the best version of yourself living your dreams? Jump into my Masterclass where I'll show you step by step how you can embody your higher self.
Maybe you’ve experienced it yourself. As a kid, you’re told to behave. What shall others think of you? In your teenage years, you’re supposed to choose a good job. You got to look good on the outside, right? By your 30s, you're supposed to have 2 kids, a dog, and a house. That’s often portrayed as the ideal family image. Or it's simply your mother's dream for you or what society expects you to do. Otherwise, people frequently ask, What's wrong with her/him? But what about your deep inner heart's desires? It’s reached a level where many people are just busy living up to other people’s expectations and fitting into an ideal image. Society is suggesting to us, “This makes you happy. The truth I came to understand is that there is no general satisfaction recipe, even if society wants you to believe it. Now let’s look a bit deeper. Why are we often so concerned about fitting into society, trying to fulfill certain expectations? One of the reasons could be because we’re social animals. We’re social creatures. Most of us fear being excluded. We fear being ridiculed. We fear being treated like an outsider. It’s not actually that we are an outsider or that we are a failure. It’s rather the feeling or the odd looks people may give us. It’s a feeling that can leave you feeling like you’re not okay. We’re not fearing the condition as much as we’re scared of the feeling. Let’s say you’ve failed. Well, the condition is not ideal, but the feeling it leaves you with. The feeling of feeling like a failure, for example. But let’s put things into perspective. In the old days, many people didn’t have much choice. They more or less had to behave. They had to do things like they were told to do. Yet, what about our inner desires and dreams? What do we intend to do with our lives in terms of career, family, etc.? For example, in your 20s or 30s, many people may assume you will start a family. There can be nagging questions from others that can make you believe that you need a child now. But deep in your heart, you don’t really feel like having a child. What happens? You’re making society proud or your mother proud, but deep down within you something doesn’t feel right. And of course, there might be highs. There might be moments of pure joy and so people tell themselves to not make such a big fuss out of it, but what many don’t realize is there’s an increasing void deep within, often very much silenced in the background. Why? Because deep down you’re not living your own deepest dreams, you’re adhering to society's standards, living to someone else’s happiness formula, or trying to fit in or even pretending to look happy. There is such a strive for happiness in this society that most feel disappointed when they just can’t feel happy. Now, what does happiness truly mean? It’s individual. For some, it’s a dream to have 2 kids and a dog. For others, this idea alone would sound like a pure nightmare. They love the freedom. For some, it’s a dream to live in a cottage in Norway far away from the crowds. For others, this idea alone would scare them. They love the big city life of New York. For some, it’s a dream to make progress in their career in the corporate world. For others, this idea alone would be a nightmare. They enjoy their creativity and their freedom to work whenever they want. And you know what? It’s all okay. There is no right or wrong. It’s a preference. However, the challenging part? We often judge and are judged for our choices. You don't have to live up to anyone's standards or expectations. And why? There isn’t a one-size-fits-all happiness formula. This is a trap. I call it the trap of fitting into society. You’re not here to fit into society. But… you’re not here to fit into society. You’re here to discover more of your true self. Be more of who you truly are, not who someone else expects you to be. If you currently feel you’re out of place or you don’t fit into society’s image or expectation, don’t worry. Most people who might not agree with you or give you odd looks are often trapped in their limitations. It's often not because they are bad, but rather because they don’t know it any other way. For them, that’s how you shall live life. Often, there is a general assumption to get a job, get married, and get kids. But the rising number of cases of depression, burnout, and fatigue is alarming. The reasons might stem from something deeper that we may have often ignored. There's often the constant need to fit into society instead of being yourself. And then there may be your insecurities. E.g., if you choose or don’t feel like having children, will you regret that decision one day? What if you’re alone when you’re old? If you go self-employed, will it all work out? If you dare to move to a different apartment that doesn’t excite you, will you be happy in the new one and find new friends? Those are all valid reasons to consider. No one else can decide that for you. However, this is your life. You should live it to your expectations. All that matters is what you feel like doing. It's not important what another one thinks is best for you. And in society we see the consequences of that. Being in a job that another one expects you to be in can more and more result in burn out or depression than doing something you truly love. We’re observing more and more “difficult children.” At least that was what I heard from several teachers. Children have changed. And let’s be honest. If parents don’t have time to care for them or feed them healthy food, how shall they develop well? When we don’t take the devotion to care for their mental and emotional development, how shall children learn it? Many young people don’t always have the mental and emotional clarity to navigate the daily challenges with ease. I mean, it’s tough, so how shall they even teach someone else about it? Yet, there is no right or wrong. It’s simply an observation. Then there's guilt, regret, and all sorts of emotions, which often come down to one main root cause. Many people don't live up to their expectations. They don't allow themselves to live their dreams or on their terms. It’s so subconscious that you often might not even realize it at first. Yet, it can one day have an impact on your satisfaction levels. You could say, in the early days, people lived like that, too? Yes, totally. But times are changing. There is a different kind of life today. We’re faced with different challenges. And so we can dare to change. We can dare to re-evaluate some of our choices, and each time we’re about to make a decision, we can ask ourselves the simple, yet tough question: Is this my dream? Is this what I really want deep in my heart, or did I pick up that dream, expectation, or desire from society? It can prevent you from a lot of heartbreak. It can hinder you from feeling drained and empty later in life. The more you live in alignment with who you are, the more balance you will most likely experience. Balance is not necessarily when outside conditions are perfect, but when you feel at ease with who you are. And the belief a child could make you happy, or a new job could increase your satisfaction, often leaves many people drained along the way. Happiness means you feel aligned to yourself. Happiness is an internal state of being that has nothing to do with someone else to start with. Believing something on the outside can make you happy often leaves us trapped years later when we realize, “Shit, why do we still not feel happy? Why does happiness not last?” And then we have to become aware that this life is not just about happiness. It’s about growth. Every challenge shapes us. They bring out the best and sometimes the worst in us, which both speak for growth. It’s often our judgment that makes it challenging. So that’s a reminder to connect with yourself more. And most importantly, let’s not judge other people so much. Let each person choose for themselves. We are only ever responsible for our lives, not for the life of another. That’s their business. And for the ones who feel they don’t fit in, don’t worry. There is nothing wrong with you. You are always in the right place at the right time. Dare to live on your terms. That’s the biggest gift you can give yourself and the world, even if others won’t agree with you. They don’t have to. You have to agree with yourself because there can be nothing more dissatisfying deep down than living to another one’s expectation or dreams. There can be nothing more courageous and satisfying in this society than daring to live on your terms.