How to deal with regret for lost opportunities
12 April 2026
How old grief can hold you back from feeling joyful now
Everyone talks about dreams, but people rarely discuss scattered dreams turning into regret or longing.
Usually you hear people tell their story. It starts with drama or a massive problem or something that felt terribly wrong, and then people move through it and tell you the happy end. It makes you want to copy their strategy or learn more about how they do it. And by all means, that can help. But what no one rarely talks about is the scattered dreams and failures. The missed opportunities. The things you craved for but never had.
Not necessarily because you’re late in life or behind others. But it’s the feeling it can give you. It’s a silent ache deep in the heart, almost hard to access.
Sometimes it comes as loneliness. Sometimes it comes as guilt. Sometimes it comes as the feeling of failure. Sometimes it comes as the feeling of not being good enough. No matter what it is. Romantic love, a business opportunity, travels, or an entirely different aspect — I find that it’s an increasing phenomenon a lot of us experience, especially if you approach your 30s. Sometimes it hits you later, sometimes earlier.
Social media doesn’t necessarily improve it but worsens it. You see others in a perfect relationship being happily married and having a kid. You see others at perfect travel destinations and think to yourself, "Why didn't I travel earlier in life?" You see others in perfect businesses, wondering why you didn’t take the opportunity. And while I moved through a similar experience of suddenly grieving certain experiences I never had earlier in life, I learned a couple of profound lessons.
1) Grief manifests in waves. Grief is not just about losing a person. It can be about a lost or missed opportunity or the feeling you missed out on something or deep down you crave something you never had and only become aware of it now.
2) Grief isn’t bad. Whenever we grieve old experiences we may never have had, it’s important to do so. Too often we were taught to be happy and never feel any "weird" emotions. However, ignoring emotions that feel too uncomfortable to experience may provide temporary relief, but it ultimately does not lead to long-term improvement. The emotion wants to be felt.
3) Grief or the feeling of a lost opportunity or missed chance can upgrade your timeline.
As tough as grief is, there can be a wave of sadness sweeping over; it’s important that every experience serves a purpose. We’re never late or behind. Each life is unique. And sometimes a missed opportunity teaches you exactly that. They become your greatest teacher. They show you your pain points. They show you where you couldn’t be yourself, where you didn’t fully stand behind yourself, and where you acted out of the limited self. While the realization can be painful, it’s as eye-opening too. Finally, you realize it. You’re no longer tapping in the dark, living your life unconsciously like most humans do. Only when you notice your patterns and what went wrong can you get closer to identifying what it exactly is that holds you back from living your dreams.
4) This type of grief can make you come closer to your true inner desires.
Once you allow yourself to feel the grief and any heavy emotions that may arise, you slowly start to spot the patterns. That’s when you start moving from an emotional state to a more accepting one of what is
kind of state. You come to the point where you finally realize what you truly want and what you are no longer willing to tolerate. Even if the exact opportunity may not come back, for some, there may be a similar experience just in a different setting.
5) The ideal image of a perfect life.
Sometimes the grass always looks greener on the other side. Behind the perfectly crafted love stories on social media are most likely also discussions and moments of doubts. Behind the perfect travel stories and images you see on social media are most likely also certain challenges, be they financial, emotional, or mental. It’s easy to compare ourselves to others, but we only see a small part of it. It's about to leave behind the ideal image of a perfect life. No life is perfect.
6) You develop a stronger love for yourself.
Now you move through the grief, you spot your patterns, and you stop the comparison; you realize all is good. You realize that there is no room for "what ifs." You have to accept reality as it is. You come to a point where you may ask yourself, "What do I really wish for and why am I postponing it any longer?“ Now this stage is not so much old grief, only if you choose to stay stuck in it. It’s not so much about the choices you didn’t take; the question becomes centered around your current life. It’s not so much "If only I traveled more. If only I had searched for a partner earlier. If only I created my business earlier. If only I made peace with my family earlier." Or whatever may apply to your life, the "if only“ turns into: What am I doing right now having that kind of knowledge?
Stay stuck in the old pain or move in with a greater awareness? Am I repeating the same patterns by not fully choosing myself or my life, or am I approaching it differently this time?
You see here it becomes the toughest part. Because it’s not just about wishing things to be different. It’s about making them happen. It’s about taking bold moves. It’s not about playing small anymore. The truth is this. You can always start over in life. People travel at 20, 30, 40, up until their 80s. Just because you didn’t travel in your 20s doesn’t mean you can’t have the time of your life in your 40s. Having the type of love you crave in your 30s, 40s, or 50s is possible, even if you didn't have it in your 20s. People travel at any age. People find love at any age. People become self-employed at any age. Harland Sanders was 62 years old when he began franchising his Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) recipe.
Our mind may give us plenty of reasons. "We're not as beautiful anymore. We’re not as dynamic anymore," but that’s the power of age. You become less dramatic and more experienced. You know what you want. Yes, the younger years, where you may have acted more spontaneously, may have felt more carefree at times, but it doesn’t mean everything was perfect when we were younger. I know people that found love in their 20s, only to split up in their 30s because their values drifted apart. I know people that changed jobs in their 30s because the job they did in their 20s felt useless. Sometimes, we reflect on the past and the "carefree years" with a sense of nostalgia. And that’s the last point.
7) Focus on the here and now.
Each age brings you a different set of experiences. The butterflies and excitement we felt in our 20s may also be a significant burden for our nervous systems. Sometimes butterflies don't mean safety. It was more like insecurity disguised as something exciting. For a moment, when you stop comparing your life against any other life, when you stop trying to fit into societal expectations, when you just see your life as if you were the only one living here with no expectations, pressure, or standards, you may even gain a completely new perspective. You may treasure each experience and get excited as you get to spend another day. At that moment, you realize that you can either remain stuck in the past, dwelling on what you did or didn’t do, or you can appreciate each experience and lesson learned, allowing yourself to move forward with greater awareness.
You focus on what you have right now or who you have become all along the way. And I guess if you’ve read until the end here, you exactly know how much you’ve grown and that deep down, you’re not so well off after all. Remember there are people at their deathbeds who can’t read this anymore who have far deeper regrets than you may have right now.
This is a beautiful testament to our souls' journey, as we deep down know that we are so much more. We hold so much more potential than we give ourselves credit for. We hold so many more heart’s desires than we allow ourselves to live. Deep down, we just crave to feel appreciated, held, loved, and fully seen and chosen the way we are. There’s a deeper trust arising that everything happened for a reason. Every experience served a deeper learning lesson, and sometimes it’s good old karma. Right now, a lot of us are releasing a lot of karmic structures. We’re releasing old energetic chords that no longer align.
8) Let the past be the past.
It reminds me of the old mobile phones back in the days. Some of you may remember "Snake" — the game that you may have played on your Nokia. It felt addictive back then. But do I wish to play that right now? No way. So everything has its place. Each past experience has its place, and sometimes you have to put it into that exact place. Leave the old, shut the door behind you, and focus on the here and now. Just like with phones, we have access to so many apps and opportunities like rarely before, and so it is with life opportunities, so it’s really not a time to stay stuck in the past. Recently, I saw a bunch of 80-year-olds having fun, laughing, dancing, and being dressed up like queens. This showed me you can have fun at any age. It’s not about age itself; it’s what you make out of life at any age of your life. Are you let down by it? Or are you making the best out of it?
That’s an individual choice.
Maybe it’s simply a signal to start living a little more consciously.
What if the places we desire, the lifestyles we admire and the experiences we chase are shaping more than just our own lives?
What if the beauty we're chasing isn't the beauty we're longing for?
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