Why your 'first love' shapes you until today
How past hurts keep us trapped from attracting healthy new relationships
Over the years I’ve done a lot of subconscious mind work. If you’re interested in manifesting, that’s a mandatory aspect to rewire the subconscious mind and free yourself from old hurt, beliefs, and any pain you may still hold onto consciously or unconsciously.
When you wish to attract a new partner or new relationships in particular, no matter if in terms of business, leisure, or in a more romantic setting, it’s paramount to look at the old partners.
And what I came to realize, which quite shocked me, was how much our first loves can have influenced how we act still today, even if it’s years or decades later. In my case, I’m vulnerable enough to share two points here. I remember how I was always interested in spirituality. Not that I loved specific practices or it was ever my goal to become a meditative guru in India, but I could feel deep down there was more to life. It sparked my curiosity, and so I started reading spiritual books.
Since it was my first relationship and I didn’t have any previous experience, I told my first boyfriend about it. And his reaction was not what I expected. He rolled his eyes, put a rather ridiculous smile on, and said something along the lines of “omg spirituality." And I could feel he wasn’t convinced, and in fact, he gave me the feeling as if I were somehow crazy. In that moment I laughed it off, pretending that all was well but what I didn’t realize was how much this reaction impacted me years later without me being aware. I can thoroughly understand his reaction; after all, we were both 17 or 18 years old, and it is more common for people our age to party than to read spiritual books.
What happened? After his reaction, I shut off. I developed patterns. That is a common response when one has experienced pain or has been vulnerable enough to share something personal, only to feel misunderstood. I learned it wasn’t safe to speak my truth or follow my true hobbies. Deep down, I felt ridiculed. Although I’m sure that this man’s reaction wasn’t nearly as bad because he didn’t break up with me; quite the contrary, he’d sometimes make some silly jokes my subconscious mind was listening to. And it was constantly sending out the signal "danger." I didn’t feel safe to be myself.
What was the consequence? Back then, I was not aware of that subconscious block. Instead, it resulted in an unconscious pattern where I hid my spiritual aspect for years, if not decades. In the following years, I wouldn’t tell anyone, romantic prospect or friend, about my spiritual curiosity. I was in fact hiding my spiritual books under my bed whenever someone was coming over. Sounds odd? Yes, absolutely. But unconsciously, I felt terrified of another ridiculous smile or judgment. This behavior was primarily an unconscious pattern resulting from a trauma response. So what I came to understand over the years is trauma isn’t just related to sexual misuse or anything really bad. Trauma can be things and experiences we wouldn’t even think of as traumatic in the first place, but they now simply hinder us from being our true selves.
Now years later I remember more of my previous life, so I can see that a lot of our trauma has its roots in previous lives, but that would be too much to go into right now. What were the consequences of that incident when I was 17 years old? I did not pursue my spiritual curiosity. I kept it to myself. It resulted in hiding. I felt almost ashamed because I was naturally drawn to a topic that is highly misunderstood and questioned by society. My subconscious mind picked up the belief. “Spirituality isn’t safe. It makes you sound and look like a fool.” I had experienced exactly the same aspect in a previous life.
So at some stage I realized how I couldn’t be my true self. I was constantly hiding or "performing." I was trying to play that good girl, only saying things the others approved of. Let me tell you, over the years I developed such an inner misalignment. I stayed single for longer than I anticipated because every time I got to meet someone, I lost myself. I tried to adapt, people please, and accustom my interests.
I felt much clearer, happier, and more aligned when I was on my own. I could read spiritual books and journal about deeper topics without fearing to receive any negative looks. However, I failed to recognize that I was trapped in that situation. I was hiding my true self. I attracted the wrong people because I wasn't really myself. My pattern played out here.
Years later, when I found out, I had to heal that aspect. And it was the first time I recognized how this old hurt was lingering in my subconscious mind. How that belief that formed around that experience was saved in my subconscious mind as "dangerous."
So later, when I healed that aspect, I had to learn to claim my spirituality. And two decades later it has become my mission to make the internal world and subconscious mind clearer to others.
Now I started to claim my spiritual aspect; something odd happened. I’m sure it might have repelled certain types of people, such as those who are skeptical of spirituality or prefer more conventional approaches to life. In the past I couldn’t have dealt with it well. Today? Something has shifted after my subconscious healing. I’m no longer concerned in the same way I used to be. Someone laughs about spirituality? I no longer feel the need to conform. I’m not proposing any of my opinions on others. They don’t have to follow me or read any of my personal findings. I no longer diminish myself to conform. Yes, at times I may still feel somewhat awkward but not in the same way I have before. I now let my love for my hobby rule my reality instead of that fear. If they don’t like it for who I am, they can leave. Something I wouldn’t have done earlier but something that comes with more experience.
And now the absolute miraculous result? I’ve started to attract different types of people and opportunities. People who get me or have a similar interest but almost a similar awkwardness. And that’s what I learned.
1) Old hurt from past relationships lingers in the subconscious mind and shapes a lot of your patterns and behaviors more than we may sometimes think. It can hold you back from attracting a healthy relationship as your behaviors influence your new reality.
2) Whenever you start "performing," you’re prone to disappointment. You attract people who never really meet the true version of you. They often meet a surface-level version. But true intimacy often comes with vulnerability and a deeper emotional connection. What really happens is you hold yourself back from attracting a healthy new relationship because the “right” people that would understand you can’t even find you when you’re not yourself or hiding your true interests.
3) I never laugh at other people nor judge their hobbies or fields of interest. Because I experienced how awful it can be. If the other one has a field of interest I can’t stand or agree with, I leave or distance myself. Silently. No judgment. No ridiculing. I understand that we’re all different and we can have all sorts of interests and hobbies. Today I'd rather be myself and allow myself to connect with like-minded people, even if it’s a small circle, rather than accommodate other people’s interests, looks, or needs.
4) I learned to stick to myself. Don’t change for another one. Losing yourself is one of the most painful experiences. And people often realize this years later because it’s often not obvious. It’s very subtle.
The conclusion? If you wish to attract a healthy partner, you most likely need to heal subconscious blocks or hurt you may have still stored from past relationships, especially the first ones. Why? Because with the first love, we’re without judgment or previous pain. We’re still vulnerable. Of course this is not a generalization that may apply to each single one of us, of course, but overall, it’s the fun part about being young. There’s a certain naivety, or let’s say carelessness almost, which isn’t meant in a bad way. What I talk about is more like the vulnerability to do or say things, as in that moment you don't even feel something may be wrong with it.
But their reactions or things you experienced may still linger in your subconscious mind and influence your behaviors in certain situations even today, more than you might think. That can be applied to any topic or pattern. If you were cheated, you may always be vigilant. You may never fully trust someone or shut off early. That’s a trauma response too. It’s your subconscious mind screaming, "It's not safe. You might get hurt again.” This isn’t necessarily true, as the new person may not be a cheater, but that subconscious block coming from a previous experience may hinder you from trusting.
So attracting new love is more than just going on dating apps. It often means looking deep within yourself first to ensure you’re mentally, emotionally, and energetically prepared; otherwise, you may just repeat the same patterns, and years later you ask yourself, "Why do I always attract the same type of men?" or worse, "Why can I not attract the right men or act weird around men?"
And those subconscious blocks can be the reason why.
Sometimes healing from old pain or retraining the subconscious mind is draining and uncomfortable. But the good part? It makes you feel so much more like yourself. And it can have positive outcomes. In my case, starting a blog has led to a healthier relationship with myself and other people. I feel truer to who I really am. My spiritual interest turned into my purpose later. This was an unexpected turn of events. You never know what opportunities it may present, so remain receptive.
I’m glad I didn’t give up on my spiritual aspect because today I get to help people understand their internal world and find answers they may not discover in regular books or learn at school. So in case you’re interested in spirituality or any “weirdness”—your weirdness may one day become your uniqueness.
Allow yourself to pursue that field of interest or passion no matter how odd or ridiculous it may seem to some.











