Being Single for a Longer Time: A Blessing in Disguise

Today It’s a topic I always avoided in life.

It was full of emotion, like shame, and it takes vulnerability to share your true feelings and what's really happening. In a world that prides itself on appearances and the ability to put on a smile, I found it challenging to be vulnerable.

I was single for longer periods of time.

Not because I didn’t have opportunities. I would. Just like a lot of us. We may not be for everyone, but there’s always someone out there who would say yes to you. But if that "yes" is truly honest and genuine, it leaves room for the next question.

People start relationships or liaisons for all reasons. Some are simply bored, others face pressure from society, some want to boost their self-worth, and others are simply old romantics looking for real love.

In my case, every time I got to know someone—and I’m not yet referring to the intimate aspects, just the surface level—I would lose myself. I would adapt. I would start people-pleasing. But for a long time I wasn’t aware of it. I have recently observed two things: I felt uncomfortable whenever I met someone, as if my thoughts suddenly became crazy. My life turned upside down. It felt stressful, rather than comforting. Secondly, I didn’t really meet the type of men that I could imagine a deeper future with. By all means, I don’t say this out of disrespect. Those men may have been wonderful and kind, but for some reason, they simply were not for me.

That’s also something I had to learn over the years. It’s often not the other person; it’s us. The other people simply mirror back to us what we don’t want to see or haven’t faced yet. So over the years, I shut off. As you become older and move beyond your early 20s, it feels like the initial naivety fades, and the realities of life become more apparent. At least in my case.

Now there’s more hesitation; obviously we don’t want to be hurt or disappointed again. But more hesitation doesn’t make life easier. It can make it harder as you close off before someone has a chance to meet you. But that’s exactly it: It’s the trauma response that kicks in. Our system has learned that relationships mean pain, so we shut off before the right person can even approach. Most intriguing of all? We may not even be aware of it.

We often become aware of our behaviors when someone else points them out or when we take a significant amount of time to reflect on our actions.

So there was this moment in my life that I call my turning point. It was at that moment that I suddenly recognized that throughout all those years of being single, I had been actively avoiding and repelling love. It was my patterns playing out.

And before long, guilt began to take hold. Guilt and shame—I hadn’t faced my internal patterns earlier. I felt shame for not having found a man earlier in life. But soon after I went through those emotions, I noticed something far deeper. Everything served a deeper purpose. Yes, although I had old patterns that held me back from entering a healthy relationship, being single was a time for me to get to know myself. I explored the very deep layers of myself.

I took the time to nourish myself, to build my business, and to travel. I got to live my life according to my terms. And I observed that this lifestyle is often a dream for many individuals who simply cannot or do not pursue it. And quite frankly, I loved it. I can't even say I was unhappy. I wasn't.

While I saw old friends struggle, going through fights, or even divorces, I noticed how all that drama stayed away from me. I focused on myself.

It was the moment, I began to view being single not as a curse but as a hidden blessing. And that brings me to the point that every journey is unique.

Certain souls incarnate with specific missions. And occasionally the mission is not to jump from one experience to the next but to heal. To connect. To live. To enjoy. Not necessarily another one, but yourself. How many people today are truly connected with their hearts and themselves? Quite frankly, I don’t know many.

Yes, the interest in self-development is on the increase. Self-love awareness has increased. However, simply engaging in self-love or indulging in a soothing massage does not equate to living your life according to your standards every day. It’s a whole different level. It was the moment I had to learn to stop caring about weird looks from others. "You’re in your 30s and not married yet? You’re not that bad-looking!" That’s a comment I once got. And I bet it wasn’t even meant in a bad way, although it had a bit of a weird touch to it. No, I don’t think it was about looks. A relationship involves much more than just physical appearance. Some people even break up with models; that fact alone shows us it’s definitely not all about looks, or those people would never even leave models.

That was when freedom started. I noticed it wasn't being single that made me feel the most uncomfortable—it was those weird looks. So, I began to feel free when I liberated myself from judgment and the projections of others. And suddenly the pressure faded. I had to fit into no one’s timeline but my own. I noticed even more strongly how everyone is on their unique path, their unique timeline. Finding love at 25 and getting married? Wonderful. Getting married at 40? Wonderful. Finding new love at 60? Wonderful.

What I’ve learned is to stop judging people and not put them into a box. The box is often called “You need to be married by 30, or you’re done.” Bullshit.

It often comes from people with a limited mindset. And that’s what I learned early. Learn from people who inspire you, and not from those who make you feel small. No one is entitled to tell you what the correct path is. As each path is unique. Then you know you can enjoy your path. You no longer have to be desperate or constantly questioning if you’ve made a mistake. You haven’t. Everything served a deeper purpose.

And if you’re single right now, enjoy it. In a couple of years, let’s say you found a relationship; you may crave the time alone.

Take the time to get to know yourself.

Take time to travel.

Take time to have fun.

Take time to learn a new hobby.

You have time.

You have yourself.

That’s what being single can teach you. You don’t need anyone else to be happy. You rely on your strength. You build strength from within. What happens later when you meet a partner? The relationship most likely has a different vibe. Why? Because you know who you are and you know your strength. You’re not up for drama, manipulation or games. And that’s the beginning of a romance that very few people experience here on Earth. It can reach a depth that goes beyond the surface level of relationships that many people experience here. I know couples who can’t even talk about their deepest feelings and dreams. They talk about their day, work, etc. The conversations stay surface level. I’m not saying it’s wrong. You can lead your life the way you wish. However, for the first time, I realized that it does not align with my conception of relationships, and that is why, upon reflection, I am genuinely pleased that my path unfolded as it did.

I'd rather be alone than be in the wrong company.

And when the right man arrives, he’ll be the cherry on the cake. Not the cake itself. The cake itself will always be me.