Spiritual escapism - what I learned while living in Bali
25 March 2025
How unresolved patterns repeat itself from past lifetimes
I remember I was sitting back home in a small town in Germany. My life crumbled a couple time ago. Yet, I put myself out there. I did what a lot of people do. Engage in personal development. Read books. Absorb courses and content. Ready to start over doing what I love. More freedom.
And I could see some first fruits of the work I put in for weeks, months, if not years. It didn’t show up in a way I wanted or expected it to be. It didn’t show up in money, or financial overflow, to be precise.
But it showed up in more joy, in tons of realisations, ideas, a new sense of self. A promising future. But I didn’t see it as such back then.
And that’s the first realisation I had looking back and only realising now.
Abundance is not all about money. Abundance is the wealth of ideas, realisations, vitality, health, opportunities and much more.
So as I didn’t see monetary fruits I went within and there was that certain thing that told me to go to Asia. And deep down I thought Asia could help me solve my problems.
Yet, What I didn’t realise. Most decisions are unconscious and based on certain patterns and beliefs we hold deep within. (I just remember I had certain doubts about going to Bali.. it was rainy season. Was it really the place? I asked myself.)
Looking back. The truth was this: I was kind of escaping from my reality in Europe. And I’m not ashamed to be vulnerable enough to admit it, I’m glad to finally realise it to break out of it. And I see a lot of people with similar issues that are on the “spiritual path”.
I thought Europe was full of corruption only to realise much later that nothing exists outside of you. Europe is not full of corruption unless you hold those things deep within your subconscious that makes you have those perceptions and experiences.
And so it happened, I came to Bali. And by all means. It’s a beautiful island. There’s a certain hype that Bali provides healing. And it certainly does. I had my fair moments, I had inspiring encounters that I’ll cherish but I also had massive learning lessons.
I had healing , I had disappointments, and I had massive realisations. But after 7 weeks of Bali I flew home with the exact issues than before.
And it taught me the biggest lesson. You cannot escape your reality. You cannot move to a place like India or Bali and expect them to change you. I mean they may do so.
They may shape you. I’m not denying that.
But the biggest learning lesson I had for myself was this: it’s never really about a place. It’s your internal belief system. If you’re escaping a place without making full peace over there, then those issues will hit you one day, even years or decades or lifetimes later in one way or another until you face them.
Here’s how it showed up in my life. I arrived in Bali and I could suddenly remember a previous life. And I honestly believe - at least that is my experience - when we feel attracted to a certain place we either had a previous life or there’s a certain energy we resonate with.
I remember I was this monk that was visiting Bali in a previous lifetime, I could see myself walking past a street, trying to find enlightenment or let’s put it less scary: finding answers about who I was.
I could see myself as the version of a monk running from one place to the next, praying in one temple after the other, and that pattern was repeating itself. Trying to find the answer or solve the problem on the outside.
And this pattern repeated unconsciously, just in a different setting in this lifetime: Me changing apartments all the time in Bali as I simply didn’t feel good. Me trying to go to different healing places and mentors and so on. And while I got very valuable and inspirational conversations and healing experiences I wouldn’t want to miss, I realised the biggest pattern that was limiting me and that was repeating itself unconsciously:
Looking for help, answers, inspiration, saviour on the outside.
Exactly what made me go to Bali. The unconscious pattern of travelling somewhere to find something somewhere else outside of me.
And I’m not saying to never get help or inspiration. There’s a subtle difference between getting guidance from someone and kind of relying or becoming dependent on external help. And this is to encourage you if you feel sad and disappointed in your current home. You don’t need to travel somewhere to feel better.
It’s a pattern I observed in other people in Bali and other places more often than I thought. The constant need for self optimisation or spiritual healing. And it made me realise. We are all not so different after all. Instead of just feeling good enough for a moment for who we are without trying to *be* whatever or even being or becoming someone else.
And That’s what i mean. If you don’t solve the pattern it’ll chase you even to the next lifetimes.
And without a doubt, a travel, a healing session all of that can massively support you but the most important lesson to always keep in mind:
you can only find the answer within. You can only solve the issue within. Not by escaping your old home or reality but rather by questioning the self that keeps you limited or made you create and experience that reality in the first place. And it can mean to face deep pain and uncomfortable emotions and break your own limitations.
Let’s remember. We create everything. We even create religions and politicians as long as we consider ourselves unworthy and powerless. I honestly believe that those systems serve a purpose and won’t disappear until we change ourselves and finally realise we are powerful creators.
And a lot of those unconscious programs that run in the background can come from previous religious life’s, amongst others, no generalisations here. Religions and other systems want to make us believe that the answer is to be found in a book, in a place , in the sky. Wherever.
All that keeps you stuck. Powerless.
And I recall the most touching moment I remember from this previous lifetime as a monk.
The monk finally came to a temple and he perceived the voice of a high priest deep within his heart, who is not linked to any religion, it’s a person that’s attained a high level of conciousness in a lifetime and can provide guidance.
And he told the monk telepathically that the answer is not to be found in a temple but deep within. The monk finally found what he was looking for.
The priest asked the monk to go back home and share his truth with others. But the monk didn’t. Out of the fear of judgment what other monks and people think of him. He died sadly for not speaking his truth and pretending not knowing.
And now when I recalled the eexperience, I kind of connected with this high priest who asked the monk and me at the same time as we are one and the same, simply different expressions:
Are you telling the truth this time in this lifetime? Or repeating the same ‘pattern’ as the previous version of you as a monk?
I was facing the same issue again in this lifetime. Not speaking my truth. And I made a pact this time.
I’m not escaping. I’m embracing old shattered unworthy aspects and even love those for they served a purpose and finally learn to live and share my truth.
Too often we are so scared of sharing our truth. It’s hurtful and hard to be vulnerable especially if it contradicts with what so many other people and books say.
But let’s not forget we don’t break patterns by keeping up the fear of speaking up. We break the pattern by just doing so. By speaking up. By allowing ourselves to be and speak our truth and allow others to speak their truth.
And so I flew back after spending in Bali for 7 weeks with the biggest realisation. To no longer escape my current reality. But to face it.
To not find the solution in a spiritual place or a place that’s considered spiritual but rather within myself. Because let’s be honest. The whole world is energy. I personally believe or at least that’s my current experience, our soul chose a certain body, nationality, parents to have certain experiences and to learn or release certain patterns.
And I fly back to Europe with a certain level of excitement. To finally embrace old aspects of myself that were trapped and even fragmented. And for the first time, I can appreciate my home place for what it is. A place my soul chose for this lifetime to have certain experiences and learning lessons. To make peace with the old versions of myself first before choosing which place calls me next. Not from a place of escaping from home but truly feeling good with who I am and releasing who I’m not.
And my biggest realisation:
Money and unworthiness go hand in hand. It’s not necessarily about affirmations, following a certain strategy, I did all of that and it didn’t help me.
It’s deep codes and beliefs in the subconscious mind that are blocking the flow of abundance just like an old malicious file on your computer or phone does despite you trying everything to restore the battery. It won’t unless you kick out that old app or file. And so it’s the same. It’s not about getting new apps aka new homes and friends and places, it’s about kicking out what no longer serves first before you can think of getting new apps aka new homes, friends or *insert whatever*.
And yet I’m glad that Bali helped me see my fragmented self’s. And to finally be more of who I truly am. And that’s all that’s required. Life doesn’t ask you to become someone special. But just release everything that holds you back from being yourself.
Bali didn’t change me, but the experiences helped me see things and recognise patterns within me that I didn’t see before. And that’s the beauty of growth ♥️
Let’s remember the most important thing no matter what experiences we may or may not have gone through and it’s this: That nothing was a mistake. Nothing was a coincidence. Nothing was lost. Nothing was wrong. It was all an experience to help you grow further. To evolve into greater and greater versions of who you truly are. Embrace new aspects. And be more of who you truly are.
And I would like to share a spiritual joke by one of my hosts here in Bali with a great sense of humour
It’s Air Ubud and while you can encounter some animals there, it has a certain ‘vibe’
Let’s not be so spiritual … let’s be more real!
🙃
P.S. My words are more than words. They carry energies that can help you spot patterns and release codes. So if you feel some weird emotions or questioning certain things. It’s a good sign
If you’re curious about downloads, I’ll soon teach you more about how to co create with your higher self’s so that you can receive downloads and ideas so that you can start embodying the full version of who you are.
It’s more than visualising a bright future in your mind. It’s the embodiment of your inner gifts that want to be expressed and that can only be expressed through you, no one else. That’s your unique blueprint. That’s where the magic and often the fear starts.
Stay tuned ✨
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Where’s home? Ever asked yourself that question? So did I. More than once. Recently I returned from a two-month stay in Southeast Asia. While it initially took me some time to adjust to the new environment, you kind of get used to the new culture, different ways of being, and their daily life. When I came back to what I refer to as my hometown, as in my "birthplace" where I grew up, it felt random. Yes, there was a sense of home of course. It felt familiar. And yet, you realize you’re not the old version of yourself. That can feel stressing. And there are two major possibilities that often happen. You either fall into the old traps or you feel like you need to move again or at least change something. You feel you can’t continue your life the way you did before you left it. This is mainly because you’re not the same version of yourself, you often feel the need of adjusting on the outside. What I realized in particular was how old clothes or even furniture no longer aligned. But it didn’t feel like a happy moment. Letting go of old versions of yourself feels like dying. You leave some old part of you behind. And while that moment can be disturbing or even challenging, you see how it has to happen. It’s part of life. You need to make room for the new. The only constant is change. I personally find this is an ongoing process. Not a one-time event. We undergo continuous changes, and with certain changes, the past cannot accompany us. In fact it binds us. It keeps us trapped in a way. Therefore, I have discovered that the only effective approach is to embrace the sadness. Allow the grief. Grieving old versions of ourselves can be a real thing. I remember when I was a young kid and I grieved that I outgrew my favorite trousers. It felt heartbreaking. And after you allow that sadness and give honor to your path and all your past selves that led you to where you are today, you come to a point where you find gratitude and a new lightness. Even if the path is not yet clear. Even if you have no idea where to head next, you know most likely you can’t continue the same way you always have. It just no longer feels aligned. I feel it doesn’t only happen in our individual lives but collectively too. Cultures and towns are changing, which requires adjustment. There’s a different time and different opportunities, but the old is gone. You can feel it in the air as if the ancestors' spirits echo. So after living or spending time abroad, you suddenly ask yourself, "Where's home?” When you move abroad, you're a foreigner in that new country. But after a longer stay abroad, you now even feel like a stranger in your home country. As much as many of us like travelling and spending time abroad, there can come a time you feel like settling down. But for people traveling and exploring the world, this can be frightening. Not because of staying in one particular place, but rather, to be confronted with the question: where is my home now ? I believe there’s not a right or wrong way when it comes to settling down or thinking about it. There’s only the way that works for you. And as with all in life, you sometimes have to try what works for you in particular. That can be different for each single one of us. What I’ve found for myself is this. Home is in the heart When you feel good with yourself, no matter where you go, you carry that warmth. You know how to be comfy even if your body temporarily feels uncomfy in the new environment. In the moment I wonder, "Where's my home?" without having a direct answer. I center within myself. I ground myself even deeper. Feeling the energy of a place Secondly, what I feel makes you come closer to the answer to that question is to perceive the energy of a place. Places carry energy too. That’s why some places feel light and others feel heavy. Some feel inspirational; others feel dull. So the atmosphere of an apartment can have a great impact on how you feel. Engage with the surrounding Thirdly, home is what you make out of it. It’s the people that make a place special. If you engage in life, initiate something, or open yourself up, your home takes on a new meaning. Stay where it feels good right now, it doesn't have to be forever Fourthly, it’s good to embrace a place as your home without feeling this has to be your forever place. This takes out the pressure. There can be such pressure of making the right or wrong decisions. Sometimes we’re pulled towards places, and they’re exactly where we need to be or what can teach us valuable lessons. Let your heart choose where it takes you next In times of social media and AI, there’s an increasing amount of loneliness arising. People mingle less. They meet less. There’s less art. While AI can have a lot of benefits for making our lives easier, it’s important not to lose our connection to ourselves. Not to lose the creativity. This is what shapes us. It’s not Alexa answering questions; it’s asking our heart the question: what feels good next? The more heart-aligned we are, the more we feel drawn to places, activities, and people that can give us a sense of belonging. Remind yourself you're a temporary visitor Yet, "Where's home?” sometimes remains almost a mystical question. Because on a deeper level, we’re here on Planet Earth temporarily. It’s not our true home. Some souls originate from other star systems or, in the end, from the ether. The nonphysical. That’s why on some days when I feel confused and ask myself, "Where's home?” I remind myself it’s deep in my heart. I’m reminded that I’m a temporary visitor, and instead of being sad or going into over-doubt, I try to remind myself to make the most out of the moment as long as I’m here. Planet Earth is my temporary home now. There’s something beautiful dissolving underneath. The attachment to a specific culture, identity, or place. You realize you’re neither this nor that. On a larger scale this helps you detach a little more from the strong human role and connect a little more to the soul that isn’t bound to a specific place or identity. Allow yourself to experience different versions of yourself Lastly, I remind myself of why I’m here. To experience different versions and identities of myself. I came here for the experience. And so I don’t have to stay the same all my life. It’s ok to let go of past versions. Even if sometimes it feels easier, sometimes it feels more hurtful. I always imagine how trees go through the same dying process each autumn. They drop their leaves. It made me become aware of how nature is so used to the dying process and letting go of the old. Only we humans sometimes hold on to so many things: old memories, old identities, old structures. Imagine nature would resist change the way a lot of humans do; we wouldn’t even have food. Focus on being more, not just doing more Being home reminds me to focus on being more instead of doing more. What people used to call “fear of missing out," referring to a phenomenon to engage in the latest trend, now has slowly turned into an emerging concept of “the joy of missing out." The question of being home reminds us it’s not always about exciting highs and moments that fill you with immense adrenaline; it can be a calm evening at home filled with nice music and candles knowing you're exactly at the right time at the right place. So if you’re currently also going through a period where you ask yourself, "Where's home?” Allow yourself to access deeper layers of yourself. While the grieving and dying process can be hurtful, most likely this process brings you to new realizations or a shift in the way you do, think, and perceive things. Every time I feel off in a place, I make myself become aware that it’s a perfect moment to anchor deeper. To connect a little deeper to my soul instead of my human identity. One day, this whole life fades in the blink of an eye, and all there is is the memory. So let’s fill it with rich experiences and memories and appreciate that each year has its memories. Did you ever experience déjà vu in another country? Like you felt you had been there before? That’s not random. There can be past life connections. I share more about how traveling made me remember my past lives in various countries. And that can contribute to the fact that you may feel so inspirational in some countries and so dull in other towns. Stay tuned.
Today I want to give you a deeper perspective on the deeper meaning behind diseases and how you can rewire your subconscious mind to kind of heal the root cause of diseases. What's happening these days is that a lot of people, when they are faced with a disease or they get a diagnosis, get into fear and panic. And this is a normal reaction. And what is happening on planet Earth is that a lot of people are treating the symptoms. And they're just looking at one main question: How can I get rid of the disease? And they treat the symptoms, which is not a bad thing, obviously. But a lot of people miss the deeper meaning, what it actually caused. They miss the valuable question: What caused the disease? If you kind of miss the deeper meaning, there are many different things that can happen. There’s a higher likelihood that the disease will return a couple of years later or that you may develop another disease because it can shift to another organ or body part if it is not eliminated subconsciously. Sometimes, you face the consequences of a surgery that left you unhappy, and you're dealing with the consequences if it went wrong or resulted in a lower quality of life. Many people are unhappy with their surgery or treatment. That's why I want to share what I have learned during my journey with diseases, especially for those like me who are seeking deeper answers. A disease is not bad luck. It's basically your body talking to you. Your body is signaling that something is at dis-ease, not at ease. And today I want to show you that from an energetic perspective. We have to understand that everything in this universe works in energy. This is not esoteric, it's physics. Understanding this concept can help you a lot when dealing with diseases. So from my personal understanding, diseases only exist in a certain level of consciousness, on a certain energy vibration. Let's say your reality is a bit like a radio sender or a TV sender. You know, when you switch on the TV, you watch a special movie, or you're presented a reality. It doesn't mean that this is the only reality, the only movie, but you are tuned into the frequency right now. If you don't like what you're seeing, you need to switch the sender to have another experience, let’s say, watch a different movie. Like let's say you want to watch a comedy, which means you want to have more fun in life or you want to experience health. That's why the true healing is not treating the symptoms but the root cause. It’s linked to energy. You need to look at what caused it. And it's usually old patterns. It's something like trauma. It's low energy. It's some inner stuff you haven't processed. And that keeps you in that reality, in that vibration where diseases are possible. If you switch your energy to a higher vibration, let's say you rewire your subconscious mind and you kind of neutralize the trauma and the emotions from within, and you move into a state of joy and following your heart and reconnecting with yourself, well, guess what? Your body or your cells, which are the transmitters for consciousness, adjust to your new vibration, and they can actually kind of recover more quickly. And this is what happens when you sometimes see people who heal overnight, and it seems like a miracle. But in truth, they might have such a deep energetic shift, like something like an identity shift, or where they release something, that suddenly when they release this old pain and trauma, the body kind of recovers so quickly that the symptoms fade. And this phenomenon is the kind of thing I would not even say it's magic; it’s the result of shifting energies within you. Sometimes when you shed old trauma or emotions, it can feel very dark. It's not that you feel good. It can feel like you're moving through hell internally. But that is the true healing or how you can actually really treat the root cause. Because if you treat the root cause, then you might even get the surgery to have that thing removed. It doesn't matter, or at least it doesn't mean you can't get surgery. But if you know the root cause, at least it doesn't come back because it's kind of neutralized. The lesson is learned. Otherwise, if you only treat the symptoms without addressing the underlying energetic patterns that led to your experience, you may still have energetic resonance points, as everything operates on energy. So later, this trauma kind of haunts you like, you know, it's not gone. This is because the subconscious mind works a bit like a computer. If you have some old beliefs, it's just like some old files on a computer. You might not see them. You might forget about these old files. You might not think about the past or go like, "Oh, I have emotional trauma.” That's not how it works. It's not conscious, but it's running in the background, so to speak. And this can cause you to repeat the experience and the lessons. Sometimes you see people that after a couple of months, they have another disease, or let's say they first had problems with their legs, and then they treated the symptoms. And then later they have problems with the heart because the trauma or the deeper meaning was not healed. You know what I mean? That's why it's really important, or what I personally see as a big opportunity for humanity, to look a bit deeper and to go into energetic healing, which doesn't mean you can never make use of school medicine. Of course you can. But to really treat the root cause of the disease, look a bit deeper and become curious about what your body is trying to teach you. Because otherwise, if you just treat the symptoms and then you go back to your old reality, please be aware that your old reality where you are right now brought you to that disease. So obviously you cannot go back in there because you risk having another disease, you know? So you need to change. Remember that example that I mentioned with the radio or the TV? You need to kind of shift the sender. In other words, you need to shift your energy from within so that in the future it might not happen again. And when you do that, you can actually experience the true healing from within. That’s the kind of beauty about it. And also sometimes what's unknown to society, which is kind of kept secret, because obviously some entities have interests that are not in the best interest of society. There are some people on Planet Earth who make a lot of money from surgery, pills, and that kind of stuff. And you know what? Changing your energy from within is free. Like, you have to imagine that it's free. You can do this right here and right now. You can start right here and right now. And you basically, if you know some of the tools, you don't even need someone outside. You don't even need to spend thousands of Euros. You know what I mean? Like, this is why sometimes it's not known to the masses. I’m aware some people are doubting energy work. Some people might say that it's not working and it's all made up. However, it is important to note that science has confirmed that everything in this universe is made up of energy. So it's not even esoteric. It's physics. It's already proved by science. And secondly, people can't see electricity. You can't see electricity. So you can't basically see electricity, which gives you a picture on your TV, but you're not doubting it because you see the image on TV. And that's what I always say. You don't have to believe me or believe anyone. You just try it out. Try changing your energy and observe how your external circumstances actually change. Because that's the only way you can know. Like, a lot of people don't believe it, or some believe it and others don't. But believing is not knowing. How can you truly know if something works for you? You need to try it out and see the results for yourself. And as soon as you have like first successes, you realize, oh, this is kind of interesting. And that's why I always say don't believe in anything like that. Just try it out. If you're currently going through a disease, learn to change your energy from within and just see what happens. This is not a guarantee to heal your disease straight away, although nothing is impossible. When you change your energy from within, you feel and see things differently than when you're in complete fear or just treating the symptoms. And that's a message I wanted to share and just raise some awareness that there are in fact other possibilities.