Spiritual escapism - what I learned while living in Bali
25 March 2025
How unresolved patterns repeat itself from past lifetimes
I remember I was sitting back home in a small town in Germany. My life crumbled a couple time ago. Yet, I put myself out there. I did what a lot of people do. Engage in personal development. Read books. Absorb courses and content. Ready to start over doing what I love. More freedom.
And I could see some first fruits of the work I put in for weeks, months, if not years. It didn’t show up in a way I wanted or expected it to be. It didn’t show up in money, or financial overflow, to be precise.
But it showed up in more joy, in tons of realisations, ideas, a new sense of self. A promising future. But I didn’t see it as such back then.
And that’s the first realisation I had looking back and only realising now.
Abundance is not all about money. Abundance is the wealth of ideas, realisations, vitality, health, opportunities and much more.
So as I didn’t see monetary fruits I went within and there was that certain thing that told me to go to Asia. And deep down I thought Asia could help me solve my problems.
Yet, What I didn’t realise. Most decisions are unconscious and based on certain patterns and beliefs we hold deep within. (I just remember I had certain doubts about going to Bali.. it was rainy season. Was it really the place? I asked myself.)
Looking back. The truth was this: I was kind of escaping from my reality in Europe. And I’m not ashamed to be vulnerable enough to admit it, I’m glad to finally realise it to break out of it. And I see a lot of people with similar issues that are on the “spiritual path”.
I thought Europe was full of corruption only to realise much later that nothing exists outside of you. Europe is not full of corruption unless you hold those things deep within your subconscious that makes you have those perceptions and experiences.
And so it happened, I came to Bali. And by all means. It’s a beautiful island. There’s a certain hype that Bali provides healing. And it certainly does. I had my fair moments, I had inspiring encounters that I’ll cherish but I also had massive learning lessons.
I had healing , I had disappointments, and I had massive realisations. But after 7 weeks of Bali I flew home with the exact issues than before.
And it taught me the biggest lesson. You cannot escape your reality. You cannot move to a place like India or Bali and expect them to change you. I mean they may do so.
They may shape you. I’m not denying that.
But the biggest learning lesson I had for myself was this: it’s never really about a place. It’s your internal belief system. If you’re escaping a place without making full peace over there, then those issues will hit you one day, even years or decades or lifetimes later in one way or another until you face them.
Here’s how it showed up in my life. I arrived in Bali and I could suddenly remember a previous life. And I honestly believe - at least that is my experience - when we feel attracted to a certain place we either had a previous life or there’s a certain energy we resonate with.
I remember I was this monk that was visiting Bali in a previous lifetime, I could see myself walking past a street, trying to find enlightenment or let’s put it less scary: finding answers about who I was.
I could see myself as the version of a monk running from one place to the next, praying in one temple after the other, and that pattern was repeating itself. Trying to find the answer or solve the problem on the outside.
And this pattern repeated unconsciously, just in a different setting in this lifetime: Me changing apartments all the time in Bali as I simply didn’t feel good. Me trying to go to different healing places and mentors and so on. And while I got very valuable and inspirational conversations and healing experiences I wouldn’t want to miss, I realised the biggest pattern that was limiting me and that was repeating itself unconsciously:
Looking for help, answers, inspiration, saviour on the outside.
Exactly what made me go to Bali. The unconscious pattern of travelling somewhere to find something somewhere else outside of me.
And I’m not saying to never get help or inspiration. There’s a subtle difference between getting guidance from someone and kind of relying or becoming dependent on external help. And this is to encourage you if you feel sad and disappointed in your current home. You don’t need to travel somewhere to feel better.
It’s a pattern I observed in other people in Bali and other places more often than I thought. The constant need for self optimisation or spiritual healing. And it made me realise. We are all not so different after all. Instead of just feeling good enough for a moment for who we are without trying to *be* whatever or even being or becoming someone else.
And That’s what i mean. If you don’t solve the pattern it’ll chase you even to the next lifetimes.
And without a doubt, a travel, a healing session all of that can massively support you but the most important lesson to always keep in mind:
you can only find the answer within. You can only solve the issue within. Not by escaping your old home or reality but rather by questioning the self that keeps you limited or made you create and experience that reality in the first place. And it can mean to face deep pain and uncomfortable emotions and break your own limitations.
Let’s remember. We create everything. We even create religions and politicians as long as we consider ourselves unworthy and powerless. I honestly believe that those systems serve a purpose and won’t disappear until we change ourselves and finally realise we are powerful creators.
And a lot of those unconscious programs that run in the background can come from previous religious life’s, amongst others, no generalisations here. Religions and other systems want to make us believe that the answer is to be found in a book, in a place , in the sky. Wherever.
All that keeps you stuck. Powerless.
And I recall the most touching moment I remember from this previous lifetime as a monk.
The monk finally came to a temple and he perceived the voice of a high priest deep within his heart, who is not linked to any religion, it’s a person that’s attained a high level of conciousness in a lifetime and can provide guidance.
And he told the monk telepathically that the answer is not to be found in a temple but deep within. The monk finally found what he was looking for.
The priest asked the monk to go back home and share his truth with others. But the monk didn’t. Out of the fear of judgment what other monks and people think of him. He died sadly for not speaking his truth and pretending not knowing.
And now when I recalled the eexperience, I kind of connected with this high priest who asked the monk and me at the same time as we are one and the same, simply different expressions:
Are you telling the truth this time in this lifetime? Or repeating the same ‘pattern’ as the previous version of you as a monk?
I was facing the same issue again in this lifetime. Not speaking my truth. And I made a pact this time.
I’m not escaping. I’m embracing old shattered unworthy aspects and even love those for they served a purpose and finally learn to live and share my truth.
Too often we are so scared of sharing our truth. It’s hurtful and hard to be vulnerable especially if it contradicts with what so many other people and books say.
But let’s not forget we don’t break patterns by keeping up the fear of speaking up. We break the pattern by just doing so. By speaking up. By allowing ourselves to be and speak our truth and allow others to speak their truth.
And so I flew back after spending in Bali for 7 weeks with the biggest realisation. To no longer escape my current reality. But to face it.
To not find the solution in a spiritual place or a place that’s considered spiritual but rather within myself. Because let’s be honest. The whole world is energy. I personally believe or at least that’s my current experience, our soul chose a certain body, nationality, parents to have certain experiences and to learn or release certain patterns.
And I fly back to Europe with a certain level of excitement. To finally embrace old aspects of myself that were trapped and even fragmented. And for the first time, I can appreciate my home place for what it is. A place my soul chose for this lifetime to have certain experiences and learning lessons. To make peace with the old versions of myself first before choosing which place calls me next. Not from a place of escaping from home but truly feeling good with who I am and releasing who I’m not.
And my biggest realisation:
Money and unworthiness go hand in hand. It’s not necessarily about affirmations, following a certain strategy, I did all of that and it didn’t help me.
It’s deep codes and beliefs in the subconscious mind that are blocking the flow of abundance just like an old malicious file on your computer or phone does despite you trying everything to restore the battery. It won’t unless you kick out that old app or file. And so it’s the same. It’s not about getting new apps aka new homes and friends and places, it’s about kicking out what no longer serves first before you can think of getting new apps aka new homes, friends or *insert whatever*.
And yet I’m glad that Bali helped me see my fragmented self’s. And to finally be more of who I truly am. And that’s all that’s required. Life doesn’t ask you to become someone special. But just release everything that holds you back from being yourself.
Bali didn’t change me, but the experiences helped me see things and recognise patterns within me that I didn’t see before. And that’s the beauty of growth ♥️
Let’s remember the most important thing no matter what experiences we may or may not have gone through and it’s this: That nothing was a mistake. Nothing was a coincidence. Nothing was lost. Nothing was wrong. It was all an experience to help you grow further. To evolve into greater and greater versions of who you truly are. Embrace new aspects. And be more of who you truly are.
And I would like to share a spiritual joke by one of my hosts here in Bali with a great sense of humour
It’s Air Ubud and while you can encounter some animals there, it has a certain ‘vibe’
Let’s not be so spiritual … let’s be more real!
🙃
P.S. My words are more than words. They carry energies that can help you spot patterns and release codes. So if you feel some weird emotions or questioning certain things. It’s a good sign
If you’re curious about downloads, I’ll soon teach you more about how to co create with your higher self’s so that you can receive downloads and ideas so that you can start embodying the full version of who you are.
It’s more than visualising a bright future in your mind. It’s the embodiment of your inner gifts that want to be expressed and that can only be expressed through you, no one else. That’s your unique blueprint. That’s where the magic and often the fear starts.
Stay tuned ✨
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