How solitude can help you connect to yourself

Already in my teenage years, I loved doing things on my own. I often loved walks on my own. I loved journalling on my own. I often loved travelling alone. People would give me odd looks and for a time I thought, well, maybe it’s me being weird.

Yet, it sometimes just felt the “right” thing for me. I remember how I sometimes joined groups and I just felt drained. I felt I had less energy after being with certain people than being on my own. Drained by travel itineraries, drained by too many compromises and simply doing things just to please others. Now there has to be a balance and without a doubt compromises may be part of life, I don’t want to deny that.

But yet here’s a question: if you always do what pleases others, will you truly feel happy in the long term? I believe it will come at a certain cost one day. 

Don’t feel like visiting that temple your friend loves to visit? Why do you go then? Don’t feel like doing XYZ your partner loves when you prefer some alone time? Why do you do it then? Everything is our energy and has an effect on the reality we experience and in the long term also on our satisfaction.

That’s why only years later I learned that solitude in any shape or form is not loneliness. It’s sometimes necessary to become aware of your own desires. To nurture your own dreams. To reflect on what’s important to you. While it’s nice to have companions, in the end the longest relationship you have is with yourself.

You can never entirely rely on the other. What if they leave you? What if they die? What if they deceive you? It’s not to picture any worst-case scenarios but to stress the importance that your needs come first. It’s not selfish. And then it’s much easier to build a community around that. A community that supports your dreams, desires and reflections, not one where you constantly have to adapt at the cost of your own satisfaction.

What I’m trying to say is, if you feel like travelling alone, it’s fine. Don’t let yourself be put down by other people’s weird looks. That was my biggest realisation. Solitude is not always loneliness. Reflection time is important. Connecting to yourself is substantial.

From a peaceful mind and clear thoughts, you can take action more clearly and interact with people more peacefully. So it can have many benefits not just for your own life but also for the people around you.

Other times it may be more fun to join a community than to do things on your own. I believe there is no right or wrong. The best thing is to do what feels “right” in the moment.

Now years later, I do realize how I carry the first fruit from my time spent alone. In the way that I feel much more connected to myself and my intuition than before. I feel much more clear on who I am and what my desires are. I feel much more aware of what my strengths and also weaknesses are. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect or that there’s nothing more to learn, but I simply feel much more clarity and awareness than before.

And that shows in the outer world e.g. through more balance and joy, new heart projects and a new sense of self. People may look at me and say, “wow she may be lucky.”

But it’s not about being lucky. It’s years of inner alignment. It comes after spending moments of confusion and many more moments sitting with your own anger that you finally become clear on what you wish to tolerate and what you no longer wish to tolerate and say yes to. That’s why solitude has so many benefits for your life. It doesn’t necessarily mean to live off-grid and distance yourself from people. No. Just take time for yourself. If you feel like you can’t make time for yourself for whatever reason be it work or children then simply notice. The kids and work are important but without your satisfaction no one entirely benefits. So if you’re satisfied the people around you will be.

I’ve observed that there are quite a few people who would feel entirely insecure about doing something on their own. Now they’re confronted with themselves, their own internal world. Now it comes to trusting yourself and life. Many are not used to that. Most of us were raised trusting others. Be it a book, a teacher, a religious doctrine. Someone else tells us who we are and what we should do. We rarely learn to be on our own let alone think for ourselves.

So sometimes spending time on your own can be a completely new experience for some. But it can bring you new insights and you may get to know new aspects about yourself you weren’t even aware of. If you haven’t spent time alone, give it a try. Grab a book or simply take some time to reflect or whatever feels comfortable to you. If you love spending time alone and feel guilty, stop the guilt. It’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with you. Always remember if others consider you weird it’s their beliefs they are projecting onto you, it doesn’t have to be yours.